I am officially living my last week in Polska, and this week I have been feeling so nostalgic about everything I have experienced here, everything I will have to say goodbye to very soon. ?
When I decided to apply I was so scared, and eventhough I was so decided to come and volunteer, the first month was really difficult, filled with anxiety and doubt: did I make the right choice? Maybe I should have stayed in Portugal where I am comfortable and everything is easy and familiar.
The truth is this was the coolest experience of my life, but also the biggest challenge I had so far.
It’s hard to leave everything you know behind for a new experience, with difference cultures and during a pandemic. You have to adapt to a new (super hard) language, to a different climate (Polish weather really kills my vibe), to a completely different mindset from yours – specially for me, coming from warm, nice, sunny Portugal, and finding cold, grey, straight face Poland, it wasn’t always easy and funny.
Honestly, I think Poland might have seen me crying as much Portugal did in the last 22 years of my life lmao but also saw me laughing, screaming, singing and dancing like I never did before.
This volunteering experience was definetely a learning experience, mostly about myself and the world around me, I know that the Carolina that left Portugal in October isn’t the same person that is coming back in July.
I learned that I am perfectly fine without my parents (sorry mom and dad) and that this freedom and independence that I have in Poland are something that I want to keep forever.
I learned that I am capable of showing vulnerability and that I actually do have a heart (I am surprised too), and if people use it to take advantage of me it’s not my flaw, it’s their lack of character.
I learned that we have like 3 friends and the rest are “friends” – don’t get me wrong, people might really like you, and you might really like them too, but we are all for ourselves and this year really showed me that.
I learned how to be more confident in myself, and how important it is to believe in yourself to actually get shit done, no one is going to do it for you.
I learned the climate theory might be true because I get along with southern Europeans so easilyyyyy – and we are so alike it’s crazy, long live Latinos, Mediterraneans and the Ottoman Empire, love you Yusuf <3.
I learned how to keep a house – you know cooking, cleaning, doing groceries, managing my money, and making it last the entire month. (if my mom asks I don’t know how to clean) ?
I travelled a lot in this country and learned a lot about this country, and the history and resilience of Poles are really amazing to me. But also it scares the political moment Poland is living – normalising racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-democratic behaviours is a big step back to all the progress that was made here, especially in a country that went through nazism and communism.
I also shared a lot of my culture and got to know a lot about new cultures, and it’s so cool to see how we look at the same things in a completely different way.
Yes, I am still leaving this country with a question mark in my future and zero plans, but I have learned a lot about my boundaries, and I might not be sure about what I want for my future, but I am sure about what I don’t want it to look like.
Before I go, shout out to my girl Svetlana for putting up with me and teaching me how to cook and put makeup on, before coming to Poland I only owned mascara and now I am leaving with highliter and contour.
You have been the person that kept me sane in fucking Bedzin, I really couldn’t imagine sharing this experience with anyone else. Volim te, estupida pendeja ❤
Dear Poland, we had this crazy love-hate relationship, and who knows, I might end up coming back. Your weather is trash, your food is great, and your landscape is amazing, and I am so grateful for everything you allowed me to live.
Beijinhos com saudades,
Your favourite Portuguese volunteer,
Carolina / Sarolina / Beyoncé / Sheila
Obrigada ❤
Carolina Blogueirinha is out ✌