In the beginning of quarantine I realized that it is only my choice what will be for me this time – torture or opportunity of self upgrade. Ok, if to define purposes of my existence for a unclear future was relatively easily then with real situation I had true mental fight. There were literally all stages of acceptance.
Firstly I didn’t want to believe in quarantine, tried live my normal life. We all didn’t believe. Went out to bars and clubs, meet friends, used public transport, didn’t care. But in some moment I saw the situation – we have to stay home for saving lives of real people. It wasn’t bad joke or prank. It was our new reality.
And I became very angry, I mean VERY angry. I was telling my friends about basic human rights, blah blah blah. Yes, I was egoistic, thought only about my freedom, my rights, my friends, my plans.
In the next stage I decided ok, I will play with your stupid rules, I will sit home, go out only for grocery shopping, but sometimes I will walk outside and I want see my friends just a bit, ok, deal? Of course it didn’t work, because you can’t sit on two chairs (unfortunately).
Then I entered nice place called depression. Don’t worry, it wasn’t true cool depression, just a few days when I wanted cry all the time and couldn’t do anything, was laying for hours at couch, thinking about my pathetic destiny. Why it happened with my 25th spring? With first my spring in my favorite city? I couldn’t not think about all missed parties, raves, concerts and trips. Honestly thought that I’m suffering with millions of people didn’t help me at all. It was my personal disaster. But thanks to my natural will to life I came to the most incredible phase – ACCEPTANCE.
I wanna say BIG THANK U to evolution that created this wonderful mechanism of adaptation. Probably it saved more lives than penicillin xD. So finally I got this warm nice appropriate feeling that I can’t change anything and I’m ok with it. I found my place in the world decreased to size of my flat. In this small world I discovered dozens of forgotten dreams – big, not so big, ambitious, stupid, beautiful, dirty, childish, unreal and etc. I decided take a few from different spheres – physical, intellectual and art. And just then I leave dark side of quarantine and entered light side.
I’ll write about it in my next post: Quarantine – survive or use?
See ya^_^